Tuesday
Feb262013

Things To Help You Cope With Being Unemployed

  

Thinking back to when you were young, perhaps a teenager, can help you through a boring old day job hunting. Today I chose to go back to when I was an almost teen to 1977. What albums meant something to me then that I could rediscover? One obvious album comes to mind Never Mind The Bollocks. It's never really gone away though so I started to think about other albums of 1977 that were important to a 12 year old me. Ian Dury's New Boots and Panties was probably the second most important album of that year for me.

I bought New Boots and Panties from Woolworths in Wantage. Took a 4 mile bus journey home with it. Once I got home I probably ran to my bedroom to play it. Put it on the record player. It was brilliant but…  My excitement was turned to disappointment when it jumped and in more than one place. I took it back to exchange it for another one but discovered when I got it home that it too had a few jumps on it. I got a third version - after being told there was a bad batch of them -  that still jumped a few times. I decided to live with that version. I think my Mum gave it away to the jumble when I left home.

Woolworths is reflected in window on the album cover. It may have been a sign in more ways than one.

I'm still looking out for it in Charity Shops and wonder, if when I get it home, it will jump like it did back in 1977 on the versions I once owned? These days it would probably have a sticker on it for the swear words it contains but back then my parents may have been just too busy to notice.

Note: There are a couple of versions of it on Spotify. One has the original songs and the other a deluxe version with many added tracks which include some demos. The original still sounds great to me.

 

 

Sunday
Feb192012

A Short Story: The Fur Coat 

This is a short story that was inspired by a woman sitting on the tube in a fur coat. I looked over at her for a while and started to think about what would happen if the coat were to come back to life and take over the woman.  I wrote a few words in my notebook to come back to at a later stage which read:

'Fur coat

Chinchilla, Fox or Rabbit'

From those words came the following short story. I liked the concept very much but I wasn't entirely happy with my execution of the tale. It was for a competition that I decided to do it. So time wasn't on my side.

The Fur Coat

For such a long time now Emily had been looking forward to her day off. Her first in two months. Her mobile rang. She delved deep into her handbag to reach it almost dropping it on to the hard pavement.

“Hello, Emily speaking”

“Hello Emily, it’s Matt from the office. Sorry to bother you” said Matt

“Look! What are you doing calling me on my day off?”

“I need a number for Jez the props guy…”

“Well look it up in your Contact List. I’m officially off today. How dare you call me on my day off. Goodbye!”. Emily terminated the call.

Matt’s intrusion into her day had angered Emily. She wouldn’t let it ruin the rest of her Friday off but she would certainly have words with him on Monday when she returned to work.

The day had been carefully planned and would comprise of some good old-fashioned pampering. Beginning with a morning waxing session; followed by a manicure and then, later on in the early evening, she had arranged to meet her friends Sara and Charlotte for some wine and a catch up. She had a little time to kill before her waxing appointment and decided to have a look around A Vintage Year, a really cool second-hand clothes shop on the High Street. Emily spent a lot of time and money on her appearance. She believed that it was essential for her to look good and she had little time for people who didn’t care about their own appearance.

She knew the shelves and rails of A Vintage Year almost inside out but today she saw something that she hadn’t seen there before. Her gaze was drawn to a beautifully soft, grey fur coat which seemed to glow under the fluorescent lights. She walked over to it for closer inspection. She almost ripped it into pieces as she tore it from the hanger to try it on.

“Excuse me” Emily yelled to the Shop Assistant

“Yes madam”

“Is this coat Chinchilla?”

“No madam, it’s rabbit fur. Probably as many as 25 had their throats cut in order to make that coat”

“I didn’t ask you for your moral stance on fur.  Just what animal it was. It’s a rabbit. Which in my book is on the same page as a rodent. How much is it?”

“It’s £105”

“That’s an absolute bargain. I’ll take it”

“Are you sure you want to be seen wearing rabbit madam? The fur industry is such a cruel trade. Many are left bleeding to death for hours”

“I really couldn’t care less, now are you going to sell me the damn coat or do I have to speak to your superior?”

Emily thought it odd that the shop assistant didn’t seem keen to sell her the coat but decided she was probably trying to keep it for herself.

She put the coat on straight away. There was a chill in the air and her new coat would keep her warm and make her look like a million dollars. Sara and Charlotte would surely be green with envy when they saw Emily’s new coat.  As she walked along the High Street Emily seemed to glide along as if hovering above the paving slabs. She felt like a movie star. She got a longing stare from a business man, who was himself, very finely dressed. She felt fabulous. Just like a superstar. Being admired by every man she passed. Turning each and every head.

She wandered along the street near Caffè Vesuvius and smelt the beautiful aroma of fresh coffee. She went in and ordered a soya latte. It was warm and cosy inside the coffee shop. She saw a vacant seat and made her way over to it. It was far too warm to sit in her coat so she decided to take it off. As she tried to slip her arm out of the coat she began to struggle. For some reason she was unable to get her arm out. She tried the other one. It was almost as if she was stuck inside the coat. She tried again to free herself of the coat but it was stuck fast. She started to panic and ran out into the street. People were once again staring at her but this time not with the look of seeing a movie star of great beauty but a woman who seemed to be acting in a very peculiar way. She paced quickly up the street and hid herself around a corner. She reached for her mobile phone. She would have to call Sara to tell her what had happened but what could she tell her? That she had bought a fur coat that she could no longer get off. A coat that seems to have now become her own skin. Sara would think she had gone insane. She tried once more to free herself from the coat but couldn’t.

Taking very deep breaths Emily decided to take a long walk. She thought that a roam around the park would clear her head and that things would start to make perfect sense. Of course she would be able to take the coat off. What a daft idea that she couldn’t. Whoever heard of a woman that became trapped inside a coat like it was some kind of a straight-jacket? The idea was absurd. Emily walked around the park trying not to make eye contact with anybody. Staring at the ground. As she stared at gravel covered pathway, out of the corner of her eye she noticed a small Shiatsu dog. It was fixed to the spot, gazing at Emily and growling a tiny yet fearsome growl. As she looked up even further there was another dog, and another. A whole pack of dogs some 20 or so. Amongst them were; a Dalmatian, a Rottweiler, an Alsatian and a Greyhound. There wasn’t an owner in sight. Emily was terrified.

Emily was truly spooked and opted to make a run for it. She ran as fast as she could. The dogs charged after her. She would never out run them. The smaller ones perhaps but not a greyhound. That would be physically impossible to lose on flat ground. As she ran one of her heels broke and was hanging off. She didn’t stop to check the damage. She just kept on running. She soon became exhausted. The dogs would surely soon rip her to shreds. She saw a huge tree with a low hanging branch ahead of her. She found one extra spurt of energy and ran to the tree and clambered up onto the branch.

Making her way up into the tree she ripped her skirt on some holly that had grown around it. She couldn’t care less about the rip she just needed to escape the dogs. She could almost feel their heavy breath on her face. From the safety of the tree she looked down at the dogs. They just looked up at her and growled. The dogs soon gave up on Emily and walked away. Emily reached for her phone. As she did it fell from her hand and onto the ground. A passer by saw it fall and picked it up. He then looked up into the tree and saw Emily sitting there. Her hair was a mess and as the man looked more closely at her he could see her ripped skirt.

“You alright miss?” the man asked

“Yes, I am fine”

“Those dogs must have been after that fine coat you are wearing”

“Yes, they must. Can you help me down please?”

“Of course”

The man had a very kind face, silver hair and was dressed in expensive but well-worn clothes.

“I couldn’t wear fur myself. Seems such a cruel waste of life. You know they keep rabbits in small cages until they decide to slaughter them”

“Yes! Yes! I know all about the bloody fur trade thank you. It’s an individual’s personal choice what they wear. It’s only stupid rabbits. You see thousands of the dumb things crushed at the roadside. The bloody countryside is full of dead rabbit carcasses!”

“There’s no need to be quite so rude”

“Thank you for your help now please would you leave me alone?”

“If you are sure you are alright”

“Yes, I am alright. Thank you”

Emily’s day of pampering had now fallen apart. She tried once more to free herself from the coat but was still unable to. Unsure of how much time had passed she noticed that the light was fading and it would soon be dark. She started to think about the coat and wondered if she was being punished for being so rude to Matt and for showing no empathy toward rabbits and the way they are treated. She soon decided that that was stupid and that the idea of a coat being possessed by a demonic force was a preposterous one. She walked out of the park unevenly and took off both of her shoes. It was easier to walk on no heels than it was to stumble along on one. She would make her way to the wine bar to meet Sara and Charlotte. It was almost dark now so it must be time.

She walked along Queen’s Road and past the cemetery. It felt eerie and she was already a bit spooked from what had happened during the day. The more she walked the more distance she was able to put between her and the incident with the dogs in the park. She still couldn’t understand why so many dogs had decided to chase her like they did. People wear fur coats in the park all the time and are never chased within an inch of their lives by a group of marauding dogs. She just couldn’t make sense of it at all. The road seemed very quiet for early evening. Emily looked at her phone and it had just gone 5.30pm. She was half an hour late for her drinks with Sara and Charlotte. Her feet were getting very tired and the small stones on the pathway were sticking in her feet. She couldn’t wait to see her friends. She felt a terrible sense of loneliness and was unable to tell anybody what had happened for fear that they would think she had lost her mind.

Queen’s Road is a very long one and there was a section of it that seemed much like a country road. Not much street lighting and trees either side. As Emily walked along the section she noticed some bright headlights in the distance. She carried on walking towards them. She couldn’t quite tell if the car was stationary or moving. Emily tried to put some rational thoughts into her mind and had no time for spooky superstitious ideas. The coat was just a coat. It had no special powers over her.

The car seemed to be getting closer and the headlights brighter. Her thoughts continued to be perfectly rational. The dogs must have been led by one that must have been a little deranged. Her arms wouldn’t come out of the coat because the coat must just have been a little tight on her and will loosen with wear. The car was now some 20 metres from where Emily was standing. She suddenly felt the urge to run into the road and into the path of the car. A compulsion. She had had while waiting for an underground train before now. She had spoken to her friends about it and it seemed to be something that all Londoners do but only the truly suicidal actually jump. The car was now even closer and without a moments hesitation Emily dashed into the road and stood in its path.  Blinded by the headlights she was rooted to the spot. Unable to move she just stared straight ahead at the car.

 

By Mark Dandridge

 

 

 

 

Wednesday
Jun082011

Sunday
Apr242011

The London Beer Gardens That Spoonfed Forgot. They Can Be Found In The East End, London's Best End

The Prospect of Whitby

 

http://www.pubs.com/main_site/pub_details.php?pub_id=183

 

How could anybody forget what is ‘possibly London’s most famous pub’? The Prospect of Whitby has a beer garden with a view of the Thames and Canary Wharf in the East. You can sit there and watch boats go up and down the river. If you are a boat spotter,  in one session - consisting of a couple of pints - you may see the Dixie Queen, the Hollywood and the Chay Blyth. You get a good mix of locals and tourists. There is also a terrace upstairs once enjoyed by Princess Margaret, Richard Burton and Rod Steiger to name a few. I’ve spotted the Cheeky Girls in there too but they didn’t remember me. How cheeky.

The Captain Kidd

 

http://www.beerintheevening.com/pubs/comments.shtml/4000/

 

A Samuel Smith’s pub so it’s as cheap as chips for a pint. It has a large beer garden with a view of the river and Canary Wharf. There is a good mix of people some live locally some just passing through. The staff are extremely efficient and helpful. Not as historic as the Prospect of Whitby but it is a well run pub with a calm atmosphere and the garden is a great place to watch the sun go down. Oh, and I once saw David Van Day in there and my friend thought he was Freddie Starr. They do look quite similar.

Spoonfeds Top 10 can be found here: http://www.spoonfed.co.uk/spooners/spoonfed-team-2630/outdoor-drinking-london-s-best-beer-gardens-5067/

Wednesday
Mar302011

Jam-Jars & La-Di-Dahs

©Thames Television

Take a look at The Sweeney and you’ll see much more than cops and robbers. Back in the 1970s very few people would bat an eyelid when a policeman in plain clothes used brut-force to push another man - a suspected criminal so it was OK -  up against a car and growl the words ‘You’re nicked!’. That was the rough-and-tumble nature of the era.

Nobody went about minding their language in the pre-political correctness days of the 1970s. These were tough times and when the going got tough, the tough, often got going and at high-speed leaving only clouds of burning rubber fumes behind them. 

Shot on 16mm film The Sweeney is not only a gritty piece of realism it’s also like watching some fascinating reels of archive footage from the 1970s. There are the cars; Ford Consul, Zodiac, Escort, Cortina, Granada and Capri. The Austin 1100, a little blue and white number is used by uniformed officers. The Morris Marina, Triumph Stag and of course, the Mini.

Watching The Sweeney can be like viewing an episode of Top Gear with the sound down to drown out the blokey chit-chat. Just enjoying the bodywork and design of some of those cars featured is a pleasure to behold.  For fans of the kids preferred mode of transport during the 1970s you can look out for a the appearance of the Raleigh Chopper bike.  

The streets of London were different back in the 1970s. A cop show filmed today on London’s streets would be hard pressed to avoid the inclusion of the chains that now dominate just about every High Street in the country. Had Regan and Carter felt the urge for a coffee break back in the ‘70s they would hardly have been spoilt for choice. A couple of greasy spoon cafes or a Wimpy maybe. These days you are never more than a paper cup’s throw away from either a Costa, Starbucks or Caffe Nero. A good ol’ cup of Rosie Lee would be more up Regan and Carter’s street anyway I would wager.

Along with the vintage cars and the streets of yesteryear there is one other aspect of The Sweeney that adds to the show’s brilliance. During its 52 Episodes over four series, if you don’t count the pilot episode Regan, there was an absolutely dazzling collection of guest stars featured in the show. A who’s who of British acting talent. Diana Dors, Patrick Mower, Hywel Bennett, Maureen Lipman, Michael Elphick, George Cole, Brian Blessed, Patrick Troughton, Roy Kinnear, Richard Griffiths, Bill Maynard, George Sewell, Joss Ackland and funnily enough, Morecombe and Wise.

One episode in particular has not one but two former EastEnders actors in it. Messenger of the Gods Episode 1, Series 4 features Derek Martin who is known to most people as Charlie Slater the lovable cabbie and Michael Melia who was Eddie Royle the tough-talking landlord of the Queen Vic. Charlie chose to leave his cab in the Square and let the train take the strain when he left EastEnders earlier this year. Eddie met a more grisly end when he was  stabbed to death by nasty Nick Cotton back in 1991.

Former EastEnders cast members were not the only ones to appear in The Sweeney. Current, long-serving cast member and national treasure June Brown who plays Dot Branning appeared in one of the very first episodes of The Sweeney. Back in 1975, in Episode 1 of Series 1 entitled Ringer June played Mrs Martin the mother of  small time crook Billy Martin. A role that was a precursor  to the one she has played as the long suffering mother of small time crook Nick Cotton.

Cop shows will come and go but The Sweeney remains one of the best. Cars, stars and some fashion thrown in for good measure.  It’s drama, period.

 

The Sweeney can be seen on ITV 4. Check press for details.

 

Sources

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sweeney

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071059/episodes

http://www.thesweeney.info/

http://www.tv.com/the-sweeney/show/5242/summary.html